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Grooming of Children for Sexual Purposes
Grooming is when someone builds a child’s trust, online or in person, in order to sexually abuse or exploit them. It is a crime, and it is never the child’s fault. This page explains how it works, how to stay safe, and what to do if you are worried.
This hidden block holds the styles of this page, the Quick exit button and the phone help bar (Call, Chat, Report, Exit). Do not delete it. The words of the page are in the sections below.
If a child is in immediate danger, call the national police hotline on 1288 or contact your local police for help. If someone is pressuring a child for pictures or threatening to share them, see the sextortion page.
Understand
What is grooming?
Grooming is when a person slowly builds trust with a child, and often with the family around them, so that the child is easier to abuse. The person may want sexual pictures or videos, sexual talk or a live video call, or to meet the child in person.
It can happen online, offline, or both. It is a crime, and the child is the victim. It is never the child’s fault. Groomers are skilled at making a child feel special and then making them feel ashamed, so that the child stays silent.
Who can be a groomer?
Most are adults, but not always. It may be a stranger who has never met the child, or someone the child knows: a relative, a family friend, a neighbour, a carer, a coach or a teacher. Sometimes it is an older teenager, or someone pressured by an adult to get pictures of others. Someone being friendly and generous is not a groomer, so the aim is to notice behaviour, not to fear everyone.
Why it works
Children often do not know they are being groomed. The person gives attention, gifts or help when the child needs it, and the child begins to trust them. Then secrets, pressure and shame keep the child from telling anyone.
Where it happens
Grooming can happen anywhere
- Games and game chats. Groomers pretend to be another player, offer items or help with the game, then ask to chat in private.
- Social media and messaging apps. Fake profiles, friend requests and direct messages. Many groomers study a child’s page first.
- Live video. Live streams and video calls can be used to watch, record or pressure a child. See also live-streaming of child sexual exploitation.
- Schools, clubs and religious or sports groups. A trusted adult uses their position to get time alone with a child.
- Home and the neighbourhood. A relative, family friend or neighbour who is “helpful” and gives a child special treatment.
- Travel and tourism. Some offenders build a relationship with a family or a child during a visit. See sexual exploitation of children in travel and tourism.
Online and offline are often linked: a groomer may meet a child online and then try to meet in person, or the other way round.
The pattern
How grooming usually happens
The steps can take days online, or months in person. They do not always come in this order.
Spot it early
Warning signs
Warning signs in the contact
- Asks many personal questions soon after meeting
- Gives gifts, money, phone credit or favours, then expects something back
- Wants the friendship to be a secret, or says “do not tell your parents”
- Compliments the child’s body, or asks “have you ever been kissed?”
- Asks who else uses the phone, or which room the child is in
- Contacts the child all day, in several apps
- Wants to move to a private app or a video call
- Insists on meeting, or gets angry or guilt-trips when the child says no
Signs a child may be groomed
- New gifts, money or phone credit that cannot be explained
- Secretive about a phone, an app or a new “friend”
- Withdraws from family and friends, or spends more time online
- Mood changes: anxious, angry, sad or unusually happy
- Talks about an older “friend” or “boyfriend or girlfriend” nobody has met
- Sexual knowledge or language that is unusual for the child’s age
- An adult who gives one child a lot of special attention or time alone
These signs can have other causes. They are a reason to talk gently, not proof.
Prevention
How to stay safe
Children are not responsible for stopping grooming. These habits help, and adults can teach them early.
What to do
If you are worried
You do not need to be sure. If something feels wrong, act early. Grooming is easier to stop before it goes further.
Do
- Stop the contact and tell a trusted adult.
- Keep the messages and the profile details. Do not delete them.
- Block and report the account in the app.
- Report to APLE. You can stay anonymous.
- Follow the same steps for saving details and reporting as on the sextortion page.
- Ask for support. Grooming can leave children confused and ashamed.
Do not
- Meet the person, even “just once” or “to talk”.
- Send pictures, videos or money.
- Keep it secret because of shame or fear.
- Confront the person, or try to catch them on your own.
- Save, share or forward nude pictures of a child.
- Blame the child. A child cannot consent to this.
Offline grooming. Grooming in person looks similar: special attention, gifts, time alone, secrets, then touching or sexual talk. If a child has been touched or hurt, call 1288 if they are in danger, report to APLE, and make sure they are safe from the person. Do not confront the person alone.
For parents, caregivers and teachers
If you suspect grooming
- Stay calm. Talk to the child privately, gently and without blame. Ask open questions: “Who do you chat with? Is anything worrying you?”
- Reassure the child that it is not their fault and that they are not in trouble, even if they broke a rule or sent a picture.
- Keep the contact details (profile, username, messages) and do not delete anything. Do not look through or forward nude pictures.
- Cut contact safely: block and report the account. Do not confront the person, because they may delete evidence or pressure the child.
- Report to APLE or the police. The steps for saving details and reporting are on the sextortion page.
- Get support for the child from a counsellor or a trusted professional.
Preventing grooming
- Know who your child talks to, offline and online, and keep devices in shared spaces where you can.
- Teach the “no secrets, no shame” rule, and that a child can always tell you.
- Talk about healthy relationships, body safety and consent in words that fit the child’s age.
- Use privacy settings and limit contact from strangers in games and apps.
- Schools and clubs: have clear rules for adults who work with children, avoid one-to-one private messaging with students, and know how to report a concern.
What you can say: “I am glad you told me. You did nothing wrong. The adult should not have asked you to keep this secret. We will get help together.”
Practise
What would you do?
Read each situation and decide what you would do. Then open it to compare.
Say out loud what you would do, then compare. The aim is to stop, tell a trusted adult and report.
Say no thanks and do not move to a private chat. Gifts from online strangers are never free. Block if they keep asking, and tell a trusted adult.
That is a warning sign. A safe person never asks you to keep secrets from your family. Stop replying and tell a trusted adult. You will not be in trouble.
Do not go. You do not owe anything for a gift. Tell a trusted adult right away, keep the messages, and report. If you feel in danger, call 1288.
Listen calmly and thank the student. Do not promise secrecy. Follow your school’s child protection steps, keep a record of what the student said, and report to APLE or the police.
Questions
Questions people ask
Kindness alone is not grooming. The warning signs are secrecy, pressure, gifts that create a feeling of owing, sexual talk, and trying to be alone with the child or to move the chat somewhere private.
No. The child is the victim. APLE’s job is to help and protect, not to blame.
Groomers work to create that feeling. Do not mock or shame the child. Stay calm, explain that the adult’s behaviour is not safe, and get help from APLE or a counsellor.
It is still grooming and still a crime. Tell a safe adult, report, and APLE can talk through safe options before anything happens.
Report anyway. APLE is a member of INHOPE, a network of hotlines in many countries, so reports can reach the right place.
It is still not their fault. Follow the steps on the sextortion page for saving details, getting pictures removed and reporting.
Grooming is the slow building of trust to prepare a child for abuse. Sextortion is when a person threatens to share pictures to force a child to pay or do more. Grooming can lead to sextortion. Read the sextortion page.
Use simple words. Explain that bodies are private, that no adult should ask a child to keep a secret, and that the child can always tell you, even if someone says it is a game or a gift.
It can be, if one is older or has power over the other and uses pressure, secrecy or gifts to get sexual contact or pictures. If a teenager feels pressured, they can tell a trusted adult or report to APLE.
Yes. You do not need proof or certainty. A trained analyst can help you understand what you are seeing.
Anyone: a child, a friend, a parent, a teacher. You can stay anonymous.
Report
Report grooming to APLE
Anyone can report. You can stay anonymous. Do not attach pictures: paste the link instead. Not sure what to write? See how to report on the sextortion page.
Prefer to talk? Call 092 311 511 at any time, or chat with Pisey. If a child is in immediate danger, call the police hotline on 1288. Step-by-step help: learn how to report.
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